Laughing at Dr. Dolittle

For the past three months my hunting starved husband has been trying to capture a dove in our backyard, because that is fun...for Axel. Every time I cleared the table and threw out the leftovers I was quickly chastised for throwing away perfectly good rice when, um, don't I know, it is the best dove bait.

Every single day Axel had a new and cunning plan for capturing the highly coveted dove. The obsession was rather strange to me because when we were first married Axel bought me two doves to represent our union. It only took us a few days to figure out that they hated each other entirely. And when I say hate, I mean despise completely. The male would constantly peck her and slap her with his wing. Finally, she didn't stand for it any longer and in return, she did the same to him. We had no TV at the time so the dysfunctional lovers quarrel would keep us thoroughly entertained evening after evening. We eventually locked them in the bathroom because the fights would get so loud and dirty. They worst pets we ever owned, which are powerful words spoken by the wife of Axel Bromley. They were aptly named Tina and Ike.

And yet, my husband had to cage a dove. For what satisfaction I am not sure. I think I have too much estrogen to ever figure it out.

Day after day I would witness a roadrunner/coyote interplay between Axel and the many doves that visited our backyard. Axel was convinced that Qatari doves were several IQ points above the average doves he had encountered in his lifetime. He was genuinely offended when sparrows would wander into his cage, it was a mockery in his eyes. I literally heard him say, 'those doves are laughing at me right now.' As he hung his head in shame.

The cat and mouse routine ended the day Axel finally go his African Grey, Horus. The cage was turned back up, string back around the spool and curtains were fully drawn. Axel claimed defeat. The pesky doves won the battle.

And then...

today Asa yelled at me while I was upstairs claiming that the bird was playing the piano. It wasn't that unusual since he has been enamored by Horus ever since the day we bought him. I didn't think too much of it until the sound of his voice claimed urgency, and when I looked at Asa he was pointing to the curtain rod. Sure enough there sat a dove, comfortable and complacent. It would have been wonderful if Axel was present, but he just happened to be in Kuwait today and he missed the whole thing.

I could have been a great wife and trapped the bird for Axel's satisfaction. I suppose Axel could have observed the bird for a few days and then set it free, but I figured I already had 2 Gouldian Finches, a canary and a parrot. I think I fulfilled my fowl requirements already. Plus, if my maid saw the additional bird in our home she just might have walked out never to be seen again. How much bird poop does one woman have to clean? It wasn't a risk I was willing to take.

Because of the timing, the bird flew to freedom. Did he know how close he came to capture? I am not sure but the last noise I thought heard from his tired little body was 'suck-er'.