Chinese Take Out

Although I knew Chinese American food was very different from Chinese Chinese food, I wasn't expecting it to be completely tasteless. Isn't that what MSG is for? Aren't the Chinese known for their love of MSG? Now I am confused.

Even the crazy food had no flavor. It was disappointing. I don't have a heightened sense of taste, but to merely feel texture and no flavor in my mouth, was just plain boring. I can do weird, gross, spicy, or sour, but nothing? Meh. The only exciting part of Chinese food was perusing their menus. I have come to realize that the Chinese will literally eat anything to stay alive. Also, they have no English friends who can help them with the translation on their menu.

'Shannon bacteria dry shrimp beef'

'The shop sign makes an oxtail secretly'

'Balled salty chicken feet'

'marinated chicken green sauce'

And my all-time favorite:

'Donkey of doing boiler Hunan'

'Monolithic dual-crisp pickles'

You would think I went out of my way to find such a yummy menu, but not so. You can find these gourmet meals anywhere in the city. Turtle heads, duck tongue, and chicken brains, can all be found at pretty much any restaurant in town. You can also choose your favorite fish from the tank:

You can choose the live fish, the barely alive fish, or the ones floating at the top. Your choice.

We did find a meal on Wangfunjing St. that wasn't half bad. The other options were the following:

Which I had already eaten in Arizona. Rattlesnake, in fact, killed by my husband. Grandma has the belt to prove it. Not bad, like chicken.

Foreigners have to pay $2.50 for a sample and I was too cheap to pay for my stomach to be pumped. Plus, I paid too much money to get to China than to only spend time with Chinese toilets. I would rather see the Summer Palace. I am not a food wimp and the usual Terah would say 'heck yeah', but since it was the end of the day and the smells were high, my stomach and head were saying no. Therefore, disappointingly, I did not try many of the unidentifiable treats. It will be saved for the next visit to China, I promise. The only one I nibbled on was the starfish. It was grainy and tasteless and I know next time if I am offered one, I can pass.

I even suckered squeamish Amber to try it out.

The only food that was slightly appealing was this assortment of caramelized fruit. Haw fruit even grew on us.

Truthfully, the only good food we ate the entire time we were in China was at Da Dong Restaurant. Uh-mazing. The menu also consisted of its fair share of crazy concoctions, but our dishes were carefully picked and out-of-this-world.

The sampling was not just food, it was art. Like this sweet pork rib snowy island:

...and carefully craved Peking Duck with all of the tasty condiments...

...and a mere side order of asparagus with rose petals and bamboo wrapped ends:

My final report on Chinese food: 'Starve yourself, or chew ice chips while in China. It is more flavorful and less gut churning. That is, unless you can visit Da Dong and then gorge, baby, gorge.'