Today we had to say goodbye to a family member who has been with us over 13 years. I have never felt a loss so strongly as I have today. My eyes are swollen shut and I feel like there isn’t an ounce of liquid left in my body. I am devastated.
At the Croatian coast with Mario (Shylock's frequent babysitter and friend)
It is amazing what you take for granted everyday. All the pieces in your life are in place and you feel like it is just supposed to be that way, as if there are no other factors that can disrupt your universe. All the pieces are especially important for someone who has a mild case of OCD like me. Pillows with feather duvet--check. Children playing in the background--check. Workout clothes neatly folded in the closet--check. Dog sleeping quietly by my side--check. It all tells me that it is my life and everything is in its proper place.
Only months after Axel and I were married we moved to Croatia. Axel had a job with an NGO and I took my last year of BYU in a huge duffle bag hoping to be the first graduate of BYU home study overseas. I had 13 classes to go and a year of nothing to do but study. I knew it was going to be lonely as I worked day in and day out on my assignments.
Catching lizards in Croatia
As a result, Axel and I both decided that I needed a companion. I needed a diversion to kept me sane during that full year of intense self-motivation and discipline. I grew up with a Yorkie dog, Romeo, and adored him. He didn’t care for me much. In fact, I don’t know how many countless times I was bitten by the rascal, but truth be told, I probably deserved it. I was hoping that this time around I could try again and win the love of a Yorkie. Finding a Yorkie was the next challenge. It was no small feat. Split, Croatia was a tiny city and there weren’t too many Yorkies on the pet trade.
By a small twist of fate we found a lady who sold Yorkies. She had a litter of 6 week old puppies who melted my heart the minute I saw them. We pondered the idea of having a puppy and made the decision that this would be something good for me. Just days after we bought Shylock we started to worry when we reflected on the size of his mom. She was a large Yorkie mutt and well over 10 kilos. (Shylock’s dad was supposedly a tiny Italian show dog, but we never actually saw him). We didn’t want a large dog and we both thought we should bring Shylock back to the seller.
That night, Shylock slept in our bed with us (as he did for many years later). He was so cozy, cute and sweet. It was like he knew we were thinking of taking him back. The next morning we both agreed that he was the dog for us. I have never regretted my decision to keep him since (not to mention the fact that he has never weighed over 3 kilos, ever.) He was my bestest friend during that year. We took him everywhere. I carried a toy pup in my arms long before Paris Hilton ever made the look trendy. The Croatians loved him and many of them knew him by name. He loved to promenade along the corniche.
Since that time, Shylock has been a light in our lives. We took him everywhere. I never shopped or drove anywhere without him. I went through a number of purses that could inconspicuously house Shylock so I could grocery shop or take him to work without a single person knowing. His warm body was a little extension of me. Nothing was more fun than to see a person’s shock after Shylock would poke his tiny head out and reveal himself. Everyone loved him.
Shylock was with Axel and I for 5 years before we even thought about having children. He filled any void we may have had while I finished my undergrad, began my graduate studies, and worked full-time putting Axel through graduate school. We were those weird people who treated our dog like a child and made no apologies for it. I still don’t. He was the perfect thing to have in our lives while we worked hard to set up our future. I know God placed him in our lives at the right time and in the right way.
I have dreaded this day from the beginning. I have feared that I would have to be the one to make the choice. It was extremely hard, but necessary. He is free from his ailments now. He can frolic in a much happier place surrounded by freedom and love. My heart aches. It is pained and I dislike this feeling more than anything. I wish I could have him by my side forever, but the fragility of life is apparent and I have to let go. His memory will always be honored in our home. He gave so much more than he received. My life has been forever changed by the unconditional love of a 3-pound Yorkie and the world is a little less bright because he is no longer in it.
Shylock and his favorite toy, 'the piggie'
We love you Shylock, and look to the day when we can be reunited again.
6 comments:
Oh, it IS a sad day. I'm so sorry for you, Terah. When we lost our 18 year old Cleo kitty Abbey was 5 and that day she prayed that Heavenly Father would give Cleo extra birds to chase in heaven, so we will pray that Shylock will get extra chinchillas to chase. What a sweet dog he is. We love him too!
Oh Terah! That made me so sad! I feel for you. He has been with you guys for forever. My fav pic was the one of him in Nepal. Such a funny little guy. I will always remember that little guy as the dog that ran from my kids and peed on your rugs. Thinking of you all!!! Love you!
okay, so that was from megan....
ahhh...I'm sorry you had to make the decision. So tough. As I knew him later in life, I didn't get to know YOU as the dog toting person. That would have been awesome to see! I will always remember Shylock as the dog who always made me worry that I stepped on him even when I had not. He was awesome! I always craved a dog of my own when I was around him.
So sorry my dear. That is really sad.
It is so heart braking to hear you so sad. I remember joking with you about how old your little guy was. That you weren't sure how long it would be before he gave up the ghost. You always think you know how hard something is going to be until it really happens. Then it's nothing like you imagined.
If anything you've helped me think of Jake that much more. He's irreplaceable. Being busy with Phoebe and the other kids poor Jake gets left out a lot these days. He'll be getting more hugs.
I am so, so sorry for your loss. Your first baby.
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