Stopping Time

I can't really recall a time in my life I wished that time would stop. I am the one who is always looking ahead wondering what life is like on the other side of the fence. It started in elementary school ('If I get leg warmers and matching socks for all my shirts, grade 6 will be totally rad!'), and it kept being a standard practice in my life

....until now.

I am realizing that the time is passing and I am finally content with this moment--now. I have never been in a better place at a better stage of my life. To wish it away or to even look ahead seems almost blasphemous.

I want to be forever the young mom that loves every second she gets to share with her kids. I want to be in a new country, experiencing new things (tasting, eating, feeling) and I want to enjoy the wonder of what the next 1o years will bring.

I want to have my oldest be almost 6 when she thinks I am the coolest woman in the world and actually LOVES to be seen with me and wants me to teach her about life and being a woman. I want her to write me stories about horses and princesses and talk about making good choices. I want her to play with my hair and love pink and think bubble gum is just the greatest treat ever.

I want my son to be fearless, funny, and sweet with his siblings and call his legs 'tails' by accident. I want him to be excited to climb on monkey bars and pretend he is a different superhero every day. I want to see my son learn how to write 'I love you', and see the pride he feels when he reads a book. I want to see him need a kiss at night from his mom, and enjoy nestling in bed to talk about his day.

I want a two year old who freely walks around naked and loving it. I want her to pat my back when I hold her and smile at me when I lay her in her crib to sleep. I want her to dance funny jigs and say 'pooh pooh de' or 'Da poutz' when she has to go to the bathroom. I want to see her walk around with confidence and exude happiness and joy when she is around others. I want her to beg for tickles from her dad, and hear the screechy noises of pure excitement when he does.

I want my baby to smile when he sees me and I always want him to be rolly and polly. I want him to wake at 5am every morning to feed and always fit in my arms. I want him to never grow out of his onesies, and be fine with me dressing him like a sailor. I want him to be excited every time he sees a dog, and laugh out loud when his brother dances silly in front of him.

I want to see my husband be in perfect health to do all his hobbies, and still have the energy to succeed in his job. I want to see him have the confidence in his future, and yet, love the wonder of what is coming next. I want him to learn how to lead, and yet, discover how to avoid politics. I want him to take on new hobbies with vigour and vim and master them with precision and passion.

I want to be wiser than I was yesterday and still know I have a lot more to learn. I want to be excited about projects and dresses that I can make my children. I want to have the job I have where I can stay home, enjoy my kids and still keep my brain working. I want to be fit, happy, and energetic each and every day.

In the end, I want to stop the clock. I want to be here. It is my perfect moment in time. I know there are struggles in having 4 kids 5 years old and under, but I also know I must cherish every second of every day because it will never happen again. I know I will be 70 one day and wonder where the time went. The only thing I can hope for is that I remember I was cognizant of it passing...

fast...

and I didn't want it to go.

Climb Every Mountain

Our new thing as a family is mountain biking. We bought the bikes immediately after we found out we were moving to Nepal. Axel and I didn't know much about mountain biking. But going to a mountainous area was excuse enough for us to take on the sport. So, we went to a few bike shops in Dubai and we were conned into buying these cool bikes I know nothing about. Mine has purple on it--good enough for me.

Thank goodness we made the purchase we did because mountain bikes are hard to find here. And yet, there are so many great trails. Every time we ride our bikes in Nepal, it seems the locals stop and stare wondering why someone would choose to bike for fun. It is always hard to ride my comfy bike huffing and puffing as I pass some of these people. Geeze, such hard work pedaling, and then you have to shift gears? Gosh.

A couple weeks ago, we decided to take the kids on a trek. We went to a forest where the now abolished Nepali King resides. Nothing like riding on royal land. We were hoping to chat it up with the guy, but he did not make an appearance. We wanted to know how it felt to be kicked out of your own palace and sent to the side of a mountain never to be seen again. Oddly, he wasn't readily available to comment on the subject.

Looks like the ex-king and Axel share the same love. He has about 50 of these suckers on his land.

It was actually a pretty intense trail. The kids were troopers. I am sure the whipping stick helped motivate them as well. Kidding, just kidding.

Xavier's first orchid he collected on his own. Axel drove the car this time so he didn't have the driver to help. Good thing we have an agile 4 year old who loves any opportunity to climb a tree.

We may have spotted the ex-king himself, and then again, maybe it was just a Gurkha ready to kick our butts. Either way, he took one look at our bikes and walked in the other direction. I am sure he thought, 'Who rides a bike for recreation? Up tough mountains? With children?

...certainly a level of crazy I don't want to encounter.'

Phew.

Sorry about the Sari

I bought a sari in India. At the time, I didn't realize that it was just a 6 meter sheet of fabric. I took it home and it sat in my closet for well over a year. Where the heck do you wear a sari, being white, in Dubai? I didn't think it was such a practical purchase, but you can't travel to India without buying one.

Luckily, Nepal has fantastic tailors who can work their magic with saris. I took mine in and told her I needed a LONG shirt to cover my Gs. She looked at me strange and said okay.

Apparently okay meant, 'I think that is weird and, as a Nepali, I refuse to make something that is not traditional.' Therefore, the shirt underneath is a postage stamp barely covering anything. As I was trying it on at the tailor, Axel picked me up to go to a work event. I had no choice but to wear it for 4 hours.

Sari observations:

saris are HOT (both meanings)

saris are fun but hard to walk in

saris are one of the most feminine things you can wear

local people LOVE it when a white person wears one

and if your Mormon, tailor your own blouse.

What I Love About 6 Months

Asa has turned 6 months already. I am not sure where the time went. With Heavah I remember recording practically everyday and every month. Now, I look at my son and wonder, what happened? How did I go from being pregnant to having a 6 month old baby? With Heavah, I noticed every single milestone with excitement and anticipation. With Asa, I wonder, 'Really? You can do that now?'

There is a tinch of sadness within me. I hate to see him grow. I especially hate to see him already pass his 6 month mark cause I know the days of greatness are counting down. To me, there is nothing more fun than a 6 to 8 month old baby. The months before are just days of anticipation for the real fun.

I love your fatness. Especially the one that folds at your wrist.

I love your sporadic kicking in hopes of joining your siblings in running.

I love you grabbing anything that is in front of you and immediately putting it in your mouth.

I love your many smells (even the breastfed puke one).

I love your big, fat, bald head.

I love your surprised look when you play peek-a-boo--every time.

I love the softness of the blanket we share when we cuddle together.

I love putting khakis and grown up clothing on a pint sized person.

I love you nestling in my chest when you are tired and want to sleep.

I love you ummms...ooohhhhs.....and raspberries you do when you are trying to communicate.

I love your loud laughs when your daddy is tickling your fat.

I love everything about you and never want a day to pass without appreciating all these small things.

Lessons from the Zoo

1. You should never get close to caged animals. All sorts of crazy things can happen. Elephants can chew your face off, monkeys will pull your hair, and tigers will gnaw on your ankles.

2. Even if you share the same species, it doesn't quite mean you have the same look.

3. There are animals out there that do look like Simpson characters.

4. It is wise to keep your kids hands inside the bars at all times.

5. Sometimes a fake tattoo tiger is cooler than seeing the real thing. (Again, Axel's doing, not mine).

Breastfeeding

Asa will be my last (hopefully. God are you listening? I am done!). Therefore, I am experiencing a lot of 'lasts'.

One of the 'lasts' is breastfeeding, which makes me a tiny bit sad. I have never LOVED breastfeeding, but I have enjoyed the closeness I have shared with all my babies. I am not too sure how long I will breastfeed my little fella, but I am a little more committed to it than I was for my other kids cause, frankly, I don't trust any other form of liquid here for my growing baby.

Here are the benefits of breastfeeding (according to me):

1. You instantly have a boob deflator. If your feeling a little 'DollyPartonesque' plop that little sucker on there and boom, you have manageable boobs again.

2. You can steal all of your kids treats in sacrament and not feel guilty. And, if you do it secretly, you might even get away with it during Fast Sunday.

3. You have a great excuse to leave any boring meeting at any time.

4. You can make any man, no matter how 'manly', feel uncomfortable while doing it.

5. Amongst all of the Baby Einstein toys, harnesses, and safety measures these days, it is one of the 'natural' things you do with your baby that requires little work or equipment.

6. You become so comfortable with your body and your baby that lifting your shirt in front of just about anyone, anywhere, doesn't bother you in the least.

7. You can eat a butt load of food in front of anyone and never have to feel like a pig.

8. Your sharing calories. How great is that?

9. You finally have a purpose (other than the one your husband tries to tell you) for those two things that usually just get in the way.

10. You get those quiet moments, with just you and your baby, and you get to share a closeness unlike anything else you will probably experience with your child again.

Going Cross-eyed

The following photos are the reasons why I don't have better family pictures posted. There is one weak link and his name is X-A-V-I-E-R.

Funny, Xavier. Very funny.