Stopping Time

I can't really recall a time in my life I wished that time would stop. I am the one who is always looking ahead wondering what life is like on the other side of the fence. It started in elementary school ('If I get leg warmers and matching socks for all my shirts, grade 6 will be totally rad!'), and it kept being a standard practice in my life

....until now.

I am realizing that the time is passing and I am finally content with this moment--now. I have never been in a better place at a better stage of my life. To wish it away or to even look ahead seems almost blasphemous.

I want to be forever the young mom that loves every second she gets to share with her kids. I want to be in a new country, experiencing new things (tasting, eating, feeling) and I want to enjoy the wonder of what the next 1o years will bring.

I want to have my oldest be almost 6 when she thinks I am the coolest woman in the world and actually LOVES to be seen with me and wants me to teach her about life and being a woman. I want her to write me stories about horses and princesses and talk about making good choices. I want her to play with my hair and love pink and think bubble gum is just the greatest treat ever.

I want my son to be fearless, funny, and sweet with his siblings and call his legs 'tails' by accident. I want him to be excited to climb on monkey bars and pretend he is a different superhero every day. I want to see my son learn how to write 'I love you', and see the pride he feels when he reads a book. I want to see him need a kiss at night from his mom, and enjoy nestling in bed to talk about his day.

I want a two year old who freely walks around naked and loving it. I want her to pat my back when I hold her and smile at me when I lay her in her crib to sleep. I want her to dance funny jigs and say 'pooh pooh de' or 'Da poutz' when she has to go to the bathroom. I want to see her walk around with confidence and exude happiness and joy when she is around others. I want her to beg for tickles from her dad, and hear the screechy noises of pure excitement when he does.

I want my baby to smile when he sees me and I always want him to be rolly and polly. I want him to wake at 5am every morning to feed and always fit in my arms. I want him to never grow out of his onesies, and be fine with me dressing him like a sailor. I want him to be excited every time he sees a dog, and laugh out loud when his brother dances silly in front of him.

I want to see my husband be in perfect health to do all his hobbies, and still have the energy to succeed in his job. I want to see him have the confidence in his future, and yet, love the wonder of what is coming next. I want him to learn how to lead, and yet, discover how to avoid politics. I want him to take on new hobbies with vigour and vim and master them with precision and passion.

I want to be wiser than I was yesterday and still know I have a lot more to learn. I want to be excited about projects and dresses that I can make my children. I want to have the job I have where I can stay home, enjoy my kids and still keep my brain working. I want to be fit, happy, and energetic each and every day.

In the end, I want to stop the clock. I want to be here. It is my perfect moment in time. I know there are struggles in having 4 kids 5 years old and under, but I also know I must cherish every second of every day because it will never happen again. I know I will be 70 one day and wonder where the time went. The only thing I can hope for is that I remember I was cognizant of it passing...

fast...

and I didn't want it to go.