Cal and Ace - 16 years today

Asa making up stories for Cal to a picture I drew on my mission and sent to them

This is Axel again. The main reason Terah started this blog (and I support all the time she puts into it) is that it is the best way to keep a journal of what goes on in our lives for our children. Later on we will make a book of all of this so they can document their lives when they were young.

Today, September 24th is the 16th anniversary of the death of two of my brother's James Asa (Ace) and Stephen Calder (Cal) I thought I would write a long one with pictures. I have three great siblings still living, Anna, Jake and Jane. We have a blast every time we get together and they have all done so well for themselves in all aspects of their lives; spiritually (all very strong in their wards), picking awesome spouses (we have all married up), all great parents (I forget how many kids we all have together, and honestly they are ALL awesome!) and financially. I am really proud of them, but this blog is about my other two brothers.

JAMES ASA

Haha making a scary face. Probably of Godzilla

We used to call him Haha because when he was a toddler he couldn't say Asa and called himself Haha. Sedona has the same problem with my son Asa and calls him Sheesha. But Haha was probably the most accurate name he could have given himself. Asa made everyone in our family laugh from the moment he was born. He had a big round head, shock ice blue eyes and white hair. He would follow Jake and I around like a puppy and make us laugh all the time. He was always up for any game and even before he knew how to talk he was playing guns with us.

He loved to be tickled. And I would go to town on him. We called it getting beats, and daily I would wrestle him to the ground and make sure that every tickle spot on his body received a good thrashing. I remember when I went to Montana to work on a cattle ranch he learned how to write and sent me a letter saying 'I am dying because I need beats'.

Asa visiting Anna out in Utah. Smiling like always

It helped that he had some hero worship for Jake and I. I was never popular, or for that matter had any friends until the last two years in High School when I met Dave Alizo. Until that time my family was where I got all my self respect and friendship and Asa was a never ending fountain generating friendship and creating self respect as I saw myself through his eyes.

He was fat from the time he was a kid and he just got fatter. He had the same body type I did. I got fat too but joined wrestling and lost it. He didn't like to do much physical activity, so he stayed pretty fat. And he never cared. He would use his glorious (or tender fatness as he called it) to make everyone laugh. When I would tickle him he would scream 'Ax not my tender fatness!' . Later on he joined the ELHS swim team so he could be closer to Jake. I think The guy came in dead last every time and I can only imagine his horror at having to take a shower with all the other guys, but he never let it stop him. He wanted to be close to his brother and everything else just wasn't important.

I do remember one time when we were on one of our cross country trips in the suburban to Utah when he was in the back crying under some covers. I climbed under the covers and asked him why he was sad and he said because he was small and kind of fat. I told him that I looked up to him because what was important he had and did. He was kind, smart and made people laugh and he was comfortable with who he was. He was a great example to me. He gave me a hug and honestly I never heard him complain about that again.

The burban. Just before a trip. Nothing better than leaving on a trip with the family to Utah. Hunting, and family time.

He was a gifted hunter. Our whole family hunted. Every year we would get about four or five deer, and Asa always filled his tag and most of ours too. He had an amazing connection with nature and seemed to intrinsically know where to sit to wait for the deer. And unlike my dad, Jake and I, he had the patience to sit as long as it took until a deer came by. And he was death with a gun. He used a .270 and killed everything he saw. In our family hunting was very important and Asa could do all of it. I remember one time he had already killed his deer and the three of us were walking back through the forest to get the car. A pair of deer jumped up leaving Jake and I a bit stunned. Not Asa. The kid raised his gun up and while walking forward put three rounds into it. I had the killing shot, so he said 'Ax, this is your deer, you killed it'. Happily I dragged it, gutted it and skinned it. Upon completing all the work, he announced to everyone it was too bad I killed no deer that year and he killed two, because everyone knew the hunter to hit it first was the one who got to count it. And he was right...

Asa in High School. You can't see it but he had Ice Blue eyes. The best in our family.

When I was in high school I debated because I like to argue and I had no qualms about making up evidence cards in the middle of the debate to win. Asa also joined debate but didn't cheat to win like I did. On the contrary, he used his brain to win. Everyone in the family knew that he was the smartest one. It was a fact we all were kind of proud of knowing what order of smartness we fell in. Asa was number one and we all knew it and talked about it as a fact. Anna came in second and I won't tell you where I fell. The year he died his partner he mentored won the whole State of Michigan debating finals and there is still a scholarship fund at ELHS in his name he was so good. Had he wanted to be a lawyer he would have been the best.

The family came first. I remember one time when I was coming back from my paper route and we were downtown after collecting .10 cent bottles and cans. We were right outside 7-11 and both Jake and Asa did something to piss me off so I started beating them both right there on the street. All of the sudden a college aged kid came running up and grabbed me from the back of my neck to pull me off. Both Asa and Jake immediately bounced up off the dirt and jumped on this 25 year old kicking, biting and hitting yelling 'LET GO OF MY BROTHER!!!'. The guy dropped me and ran away scared out of his wits. We all walked away and talked about how you didn't mess with the Bromley boys.

Then there was the time that a kid at school called our sister Jane a bad name. Jake and Asa went over to the kids house after school. They rang the door and his mom came to the door. They both asked his mom if this kid could out to play. She said sure and went back inside yelling to the kid that his friends were there to play with him. When he came to the door they both grabbed him, dragged him outside and kicked his butt and then ran away before his mom knew what happened. You didn't mess with a Bromley and get away with it.

He always won all the games we played. In my family it wasn't a problem to swear or cheat, but it was if you did so incorrectly. Asa was a perfect cheater at any game. He used to go next door and play Risk with his friend and his father a lot. He always won. Later the man (Marc Spieser - one of the best neighbours you could want) told us after losing 'Risk' to Asa for many months he finally caught him sneaking armies between his fingers and dropping them in countries he needed. We all laughed and scolded him for finally getting caught.

He got this crazy idea to become a scout. You have to know in my family scouting was a joke. Why would someone go camping if there was no hunting involved? All a tedious waste of time in our minds. But Asa had a great mentor, an old bishop (Neil) who took him under his wing and made sure Asa got his Eagle scout. When I went to his ceremony I have to say, I was really proud he could stick to something all the way through.

He was my friend. We could talk, read comic books together, go fishing, hunting, looking for snakes, make guns in our wood shop, or just do my paper route together. He was a great younger brother to me, Anna and Jake and an even better older brother to Jane and Cal. I was always proud to be his brother.

STEPHEN CALDER (CAL)

Showing off his strong muscles

When Asa was born my mom had an emergency C-section that almost killed her. I remember being in the hospital and my dad telling Me, Anna and Jake mommy might not live. She did, and the first thing my dad said to her was no more kids. To which she replied that as she came out of it she saw a vision of a grown beautiful woman and man holding hands and she knew she was to have one more daughter and one more son. Jane and Cal were born a few years later.

Cal was the most loved kid in the family by everyone. I am sure everyone with lots of kids have stories about the last kid being spoiled and everyone loving them, and with Cal it was no different for us. But he himself was different. He was a always a General Authority spirit stuck in a little boy's body and he and I had a special connection.

I remember when my mom's mom died she took Anna and Cal to the funeral. He was about 6 months old and it was the first time we were apart. My mom called and said that Cal was crying and sick all the time there and she was worried enough to come home early. As soon as she got off the plane with him, the little sick guy jumped out of her arms and into mine and went to sleep immediately. I held him the whole way home and my mom said it was the first time during the whole trip he slept.

He also made us laugh all the time. He would jump around, say funny things or make fun of us and we all loved it. I remembered once I was chasing him around the house and he ran into Jane and Anna's room. He was about in 1 grade and I was telling him how I was going to beat him good. A few minutes later a piece of paper was pushed under the door with the words 'U SAK'. I laughed so hard he got away and from then on our family said that to each other rather than 'you suck'.

In our family TV was a big no no as my Dad hated it and said it was a waste of time. We could only watch two shows a week and we would sneak TV anytime we could. For several years we didn't have one, and we had to rely on Jake who was the best trash picker, to get us one. He found one with picture and no sound, but back then one of the three channels on TV came in on the radio so we would watch whatever was good while listening to the only one we could get sound for. Until Cal's 7th Christmas. We all got one big present and the one FROM MY DAD was his OWN TV!!! And honestly we were all fine with that because if one person should get whatever they wanted it was Cal.

Watching Cal's Coat of Many Colors, or TV. Same thing....

Unlike Asa he wasn't a great hunter. When I was at BYU Cal came to stay with me and Anna for a few weeks. I took him out hunting jack rabbits which was something I dreamt about as a kid and was going out to Manti to see my mom's parents and hunting was the highlight of my year. So I took him hunting and was using this .22/20 guage over and under. I let him shoot the .22 a few times to get used to the gun and when I found a rabbit hiding in the bushes I switched it to the shotgun. He blasted it and I gave him high fives and told him what a great hunter he was. To which he looked at the dead rabbit and then to me and asked, 'Ax, why did we do that?' It was an innocent question, one that no Bromley should ever ask. And I didn't have an answer. I said I really didn't know, and perhaps we should just go to a movie. Honestly I have still hunted since then, but not with the same zeal I did before he opened my eyes.

Cal visiting me at BYU. Check out the cool 'fro. Yep, I am THAT cool.

He was extremely spiritual even at a young age. I remember at a baptism he said the opening prayer. Most kids say the same things again and again, but not Cal. When he prayed he really talked to God. I honestly opened my eyes to see who he was talking to and the Stake President came up to our family and said that kid is special. Keep an eye on him. And he was right.

My brothers died in a car accident coming back from hunting with my dad in Wyoming September 21st 1992. They were sleeping in the back of our Suburban as we all did going across country before seatbelts were thought as good ideas. The car rolled several times and they both Asa and Calder were thrown out of the car and killed instantly. My dad had a closed head injury and couldn't talk, eat or move for many months after. It was a horrible time and my poor dad and his lack of memory had to find out for the 'first' time again and again that his two favorite sons had been killed and we had to live it over and over again with him.

The morning we found out my mom, Jake, Jane and I were at home. Anna was in Utah with her husband Keith and we all had no clue what to do next. Our dad was in a hospital not known if he would live or die and the best two kids in our family were dead.

I felt their presence around us during those trying first months.

Their funeral was a slow process waiting for my dad to come back which didn't happen. It was amazing to see how many people turned out for the services. I will bet it was between 500 and 700 people, many of whom flew back from all around the country.

The other thing that came from this was my deep appreciating for Life Insurance. In the very hour our family could have been destroyed emotionally and financially, we were saved by excellent insurance on both my bothers and my father. We had enough money from the claims so that I didn't have to work again during my college years. Without insurance I might have wound up working for a labor job. I am so glad my dad had the foresight to prepare for the worst. I now work in Life Insurance and everytime I talk to the agents I tell them I KNOW how important the job they are doing is. My life is a result of having this kind of coverage.

I miss these guy so much. Cal would be 25 and Asa is the same age as Terah, so would be 32/33. I know they would have been marvelous guys down here and that they are up there.

It seems strange that they died 16 years ago. It was so long yet it really does seem like yesterday. The ache is mostly gone, and the whole process showed me why my mom made me go to church. In the end, when the chips were down, knowing about the afterlife was the best defence I ever had against total despair. I know they are fine, but I can't wait until I am with them again.