Saddest Day, ever

Haleni, our maid we brought from Dubai, agreed to come to Nepal until we felt like the family had completely adjusted to our lives here. She could have said, no way; but she didn't and we are so thankful for that. BUT the inevitable came yesterday. She got on a plane with Axel (he had a meeting there) and headed back to Dubai.

Up till the day she left I remained strong. I kept reminding myself of all her weaknesses just so I didn't have to accept the fact that we will be so sad without her. Then, the day came and at 5am, I was bawling. I tried to keep myself in the room, but she wanted to come upstairs to help with Asa one last time. I looked at her, she looked at me and we lost it.

I remember Axel telling me about a family that lived overseas. When asking them what they missed most about living abroad, the children all agreed it was their maid. How lame, I thought. A maid! Come on. You miss getting your dishes washed and beds made? But, now I understand. It is way more than the cooking and cleaning they missed. This person sees you 24/7. They live in your house, they clean your underwear, they give your children hugs when they skin their knee, and they see you at your most vulnerable moments. Which can be summed up by saying, they become your family.

Indeed, Haleni was family. She would chat with me while I sat on the kitchen floor with fatigue from being 8 months pregnant. She would sing songs with our family, pray with our family, celebrate holidays with our family and became a witness to all our disputes. She was a constant figure in our home and a person that we really grew to love.

It is hard to imagine someone living in your home until you do it. Haleni was a pro at being there when you needed her and absent when you didn't. She loved to play with the kids, swim with the kids, tell the kids stories, and discipline them when it was appropriate. In other words, she was a life saver.

But, it was time for her to leave for our family, and for her. Her connections to Dubai are strong and she has an excellent Indonesian group of friends there. It was the right thing to do, but it wasn't the easy thing to do. That is why I am mourning and not feeling guilty for doing so.

There is a void in the house. Haleni has a lot of life in her. Her spunk was always something that brought an energy to our home and now it is gone. I think the hardest part is seeing her go through Sedona's eyes. They had such a special relationship from almost the day she was born. It is difficult to think that will end and one day Sedona will see pictures of Haleni and have no recollection of their time spent together.

Many people believe that you are less of a parent if you have a maid. I say only people who don't have maids believe that. I suppose it could be true if you were a severely flawed parent in the first place, but if you really love your children, maids make that relationship between parent and child oh so much better. There are so many opportunities for one on one with your child. There are those parents/daughter dates or parents/son dates that are so fantastic. There are the quiet moments you can spend with your children without the distraction of all the domestic stuff. It really gives you an opportunity to know your children individually. Furthermore, it brings a different element to your family. You begin to understand their language, their culture and their personality, with no genetic understanding whatsoever. It brings such an interesting dynamic to the family.

(Okay, I could go on and on about the benefits of maids, but I won't.)

The point is, Haleni was a blessing in our lives and she taught us a lot. Though the difficulty of leaving her was ever so present, we also realized as a family that people will come and go and our family core is the constant. One day maybe we will see Haleni again, and then, maybe we won't. But regardless, she touched the lives of our family and we are are all the better for it.